From the Memoirs of a Veteran Spleunker

A story by Southwest Semester Two student Jordan Danis…
.. starring Charles Wellington-Conrad Butterswithe III

Day 4

5:06AM:  “Enter Helios, my celestial nemesis,” I herald as the rays of day break my somnambulistic trance.  My espresso machine awakens reminding me of the hour of my birth.  I emerge like a Madagascarian Monarch from a goose down cocoon, descend my loft striding valiantly from the confines of my nylon prison.

[For, in his mind, Charles has transcended beyond the trivialities of the earthly realm taking up arms against his foe, the sun]

After 37 minutes of yoga, I partook in a facial peel followed by une petite dejeuner.  I observe my tent group (an unkempt culture of groundlings) shamelessly flouting their naiveté while preparing “hot drinks” and reheating the previous night’s culinary abortion they called “cheesy hash browns.”

9:12AM:  Emigrating from the cattle pen my instructors refer to as the meeting area, I deciphered ineloquent blather imploring me to assemble with the rest of the pedestrian collective.  I surmised it would be a wise endeavor to briefly allay my sultry comestible and attend to the beck and ca of the herd.  Accoutered n my lynx skin slippers, silken undergarments, and monogrammed Egyptian cotton robe, cleverly juxtaposed with my chartreuse frock coat, I begrudgingly sauntered my way toward the heathen commune.
“You’re late again,” Phil said.
Phil’s stoicism failed to impress me.  I had expected my incessant tardiness would yield a more vigorous chiding.  What a quizzical vexation!

1:41 PM:  I find myself at the mouth of Endless Cave: truly an abysmal fissure—pillaged abrasion on the otherwise karsts alkali topography of the Southwest.  Fearing hystoplasmosis, I subtly imply that it might be best if I retire to an afternoon perusal of some 16th century Prussian verse I had stowed away for a hiatus from out subterranean exploration.  Phil graciously appraised me of my almost certain loss of practicum credits should I abstain from spelunking for the 4th consecutive day.  Surely Yorkshireington College would not allow matriculation with such a detrimental pock mark of my record…

Jordan Danis, a Southwest Semester Two student, hails from Kennebunkport, Maine.  He proudly sports a Virginia Tech Hokie hat, though he claims that he doesn’t even know who the Hokies are.  If asked how that is possible, this talented tale weaver will spin you a yarn not unlike the one above.